On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I think your dad took our porno
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
