I am in a vortex of obligation.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
You can't motorboat a personality
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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