my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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