made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
the sex got boring after the first three hours
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her