I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.