Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences In Dating Men And Women
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.