when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
