Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
