he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
