Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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