somebody snuck up and got me drunk
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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