I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
How naked do you want me to be?
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