I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
