Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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