does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize