Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
