Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
