your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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