Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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