I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
