i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
