can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
It's just like the Real World with babies
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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