Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Randomize