I saw his package. It spoke to me.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Randomize
