tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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