he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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