Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
He did a backflip because drugs
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
