I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
