This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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