The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
