I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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