Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
