Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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