i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
