I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
