Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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