You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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