No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
