so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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