I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
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