"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
