if you like me you must not know who I am
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
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