we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
