First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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