sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
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he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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