you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
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If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
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well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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