we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
