um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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