Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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