Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
