Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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