I'm drive I can fine osifer
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
