Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
