BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
