Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
