After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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