i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
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the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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