somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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