There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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