I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
