I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
