so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Redeem this text for a blowjob
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend