after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
