Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
