Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
