I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize