6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
